The Truth of the Matter (4/20/2024)

From the outside looking in it’s all very romantic; the era, the aesthetic, the traditions and social cues and orderly courting etiquette. They always leave out the details, the raw bits that make it real, like you aren’t seeing through a glass darkly and only remembering the good parts.

Where is it written about the fickle light of a torch or an oil lamp? The weight of holding up layers of garments when running? The animals inside the keep for the winter getting into your food stores or eating the parchment you were working on? No one ever mentions that the red ink stains your fingers like blood every time you pen him a letter. Home alone is a battlefield all its own, much like the one he is away on.

I am becoming very much annoyed with the women in the papers writing about the “good old days” as though it were a fantastical holiday and not a struggle to maintain any sense of cleanliness or sanity or peace. Days and weeks and months spent waiting. Walking the halls and fields and grounds and woods searching for the site of him home at last. Even if only his ghost.

“Depraved” by Harold Schechter

“Depraved” by Harold Schechter

A lovely book about H.H. Holmes and his crimes. This book has so much interesting information about the man, the crimes, as well as the place and time that the events took place. The author does an amazing job of setting the stage in this respect. I’ve always been super interested in H.H. Holmes anyway, and this is DEFINATLY one the best books on the market about him. Everything this author writes is amazing.

“The Princess and the Goblin” by George MacDonald

“The Princess and the Goblin” by George MacDonald

I had never read this book until recently, even though I’ve loved the animated movie since I was little. This book was originally written/published in 1872. Pictured here is my antique copy, which does have illustrations but is also abridged. I recently listened to the unabridged version on Audible, and it was fantastic. They had kept so much of what happened in the book when they made the cartoon, so it was nice to have the visuals already. The story itself is charming, wholesome, magical, and overall a really great story for any age.

Steaming Kettle (07/27/2020)

I gather pinches of various herbs and flowers from their various jars and packets.

My mood today is out-of-body; distant and detached.

I open the tap, filling the fat hollow of my kettle with the cool water of the well.

My days have been blending together in a slow rush of sunrises and sunsets.

I have cravings that can never be satisfied.

I smell my earthy fragrant mixture, stimulating something deep within me.

Lavender blossom, chamomile, raspberry leaf, rosehip.

Valerian root, orange peel, sage, mint.

Most from my own garden.

I need something: a physical touch. Intimacy.

Violent passion and passionate violence.

I watch the honey drip from my spoon and pool in the bottom of my mug,

Which reads “Pretend this cup is the skull of my enemy.”

Gods, what would it feel like to be a warrior again?

To know the feel of a man again.

To bathe in blood, instead of the crisp waters of a spring.

I use an old shortsword to stoke the embers inside the old wood burner,

As my kettle finally begins to whistle and scream.

The boiling water in my mug creates intense clouds of scented floral vapors,

The taste of which does something to clear the fog of my mind.

“Shadow and Bone” by Leigh Bardugo

“Shadow and Bone” by Leigh Bardugo

The Grisha Trilogy was one I had wanted to read for a long time and I forget where exactly I had heard about it. It kept getting pushed to the back burner behind other books I wanted to read, but after seeing that a Netflix show was being made, I made it a priority. The world was well created, the villan was well developed, and the ending wrapped everything up well and wasn’t a disappointment. It wasn’t my most favorite YA fantasy series that I’ve ever read, but it was defiantly worth the read, and not only had interesting characters, but had enough twists and turns. to keep me intrigued. The Netflix show (what is out so far) was really well made and seemed to stay in keeping with the series. The show also included a parallel story line that take place in the same world, but is a separate series by the author, which I haven’t read.

Dark Alley (04-18-2018)

It was the kind of place you didn’t go to because that’s where bad things always happened.
But she liked it bad and wanted something to happen to her. Badly.
So that’s where she went.
It was dark and dingy, damp, and dirty.
A place that attracted the devious, the depraved, debauchery, and the Devil himself.
Moonlight didn’t touch there, and it has even more rarely seen sunlight.
The rats and men were nearly indistinguishable.
It was a place where people threw out their trash, which included corpses.
Usually women.
Usually raped or mutilated.
The police call it “Deadman’s Den”
Because you’re a dead man if you set foot there at night.
But she knew the night.
Had been acquainted with Death.
On knowingly familiar terms with bad guys and the Boogyman.
And she liked it bad.
And she wanted bad things to happen.
She sighed with contentment as she stepped into its darkness,
And disappeared.

Winter (Frostbite) (12-23-2019)

The Winter Solstice is upon us, and the year is in its dark half.

Days and sunlight have been steadily waning,

while the moon gains power and the long nights reign supreme.

I am like that tonight heavy darkness inside.

I wish to cut like ice

Burn like the cold

To be filled with anything other than this nothing.

I want to scream like the wind

And fell cities like fallen snow.

Why can’t you understand that sometimes I am Winter?

Still and dark and sleeping and alone,

My blood a frozen river,

My nails clawing like naked branches,

My teeth need to tear flesh like the sound of crunching snow.

I want to bite at you like the frost,

Make your breath pour hot into the air like a dragon,

Get your cheeks red.

But you can’t take the heat of me,

So, I only hibernate.

And it hurts.

“The Shining” by Stephen King

“The Shining” by Stephen King

Finally starting a classic that’s been on my TBR list for what seems like forever. Some notes: A) Stephen King books are usually a hit or miss for me; some I love, some aren’t anything to rave about. B) The Stanley Kubric film is a cinematic masterpiece in and of itself; including watching a forwards/backwards overlay. I’m a big fan. C) I’ve never personally been to The Stanley Motel in Colorado, but my parents have and they said it definitely had the vibes and King’s inspiration for the book was quite obvious. D) The hazelnut coffee in my new Tinkerbell thermos is a win.